to someone beautiful and tired

[wasellajam]

While this is an interesting edit it didn't work for me, I haven't gained any more understanding. Some notes:

to someone beautiful and tired (V2)


The sharpness of your wit untested
By their blunt adoration. (you tell me they’re relentless) (...) doesn't add anything, we already know this,
The glimmer in your eye’s detested
In their awful trepidation. (now your lids swing shut and your head lulls low and still your fists are clenched) adds but conflicts with the resistance to intimidation. Confuses me and I can't find a further clue.
You fear their fear and hate their lust
—misplaced and undesired. (“Let us taste! Let us touch!”) fine but, also, already said.
They never rest (tag in/tag out) nice addition so you never rest (raw coffee beans and a teaspoon of sugar 6x a day)raw???
You’re just so damn tired. (now you slip. But you won’t fall) meh

I think I know some of your pain,
Some of your truth and the disdain
You hold for those who would misname you. (Let us speak, let me hear) (...) already said.
I’ll keep your names on my tongue (can you remember all of mine?) Lovely, adds something but I'm not sure what.
You’ll rest easy tonight with your phone by your ear
We’ll keep the line open. I can hear you snore on speaker. This line makes me think of a baby monitor even though you told me phone. These two lines area a big improvement, a keeper for me, but I don't understand why she's finally resting easy.

So, I hope in time or edits I will understand more, maybe another reader is getting it. Interesting swing at it.