John Doe

[Deor Ana Log]

one shot echoes

Like a doe in headlights
my car approaches me
flowers are the only faces
I accept
still
a uniform evicts me
from my property
he asks my name, I say
“I don’t know”

segue to night
when my blood was beeswax
honey dripping from both wrists
hand swelling like a berry bush
it was too dark to see
to take risk after risk
until the porch light met my features
then I slipped gloves on
and went into wind folds again

tonight, one by one
I am in horror, real
can’t run away
can’t want to wake
when I do I
Don’t know

The farm is pigs and sheep and
syllables
corn season is almost upon - me
the tractor is brown instead of 
blank red
the field is empty instead of 
brown cement
there are times I ran in circles
when I was eight
breathless
now when I have too much
breathe
it is never enough
to wait for

if my mouth was flat
I am just a husk
my mom left town
the stress too much
the sun grew up
our barn warm enough
papa fell in love
but not with us

tonight, one by one
I am horror reels
run out
of tape
can’t want to wake
when I do I 
Stop dead

my friends went to
a school I don’t know
if they ever were true
some dreams are indigo
some aren’t even that

"please don't approach me"
flowers the only faces
as uniform evicts me
my poverty, my poverty
asks my name, so I say
“I don’t know”
and he calls me

one shot echoes until my thoughts don't anymore