A Terrible Crisis

[matsunosuperfan]

There is technical merit in the poem, but it is merely clever. There is something about the cleverness that betrays a lack of authenticity. The poet seems too aware of what levers to pull to cause shock value.
That for me detracts from my ability to enjoy the poem. I find myself muttering “what next, something about the Holocaust?”

I can’t put a finger on why I find the narration to be too clever by half. Maybe because it begins in the first person but the narrator remains a dispassionate observer showing, not telling. It doesn’t work. That’s not a real person

Great critique. I hate how accurate this is. 

Yeah initially the poem turned out to be saying something that felt politically dangerous so I changed it. Now it's just kind of false. Much appreciated for the insight.