08-09-2026, 07:15 AM
Loss
Imagine the sorrow
to lose those words
gifted by the idle mind
to bring life again
when the shadow fell
over my shoulder, to feel
how willing I was
mistaking the change in light she might have made
for maybe a cloud’s passing or nothing
more than a lapse in the workings
of my hands as I tend the flowers.
Simply cut "idle", cut "when the shadow fell" simply too.
Why, while you're at it, cut "how willing I was" and add a comma after "feel".
You could do something with tremble with flowers or trend through/the flowers. Something that neither offsets nor earns cliche status.
Though cliche can be a cold hard drop for a poem that is more serious than good craft. That's a trick not wise to pull often.
Consider the radiance
Imagine the sorrow
to lose those words
gifted by the idle mind
to bring life again
when the shadow fell
over my shoulder, to feel
how willing I was
mistaking the change in light she might have made
for maybe a cloud’s passing or nothing
more than a lapse in the workings
of my hands as I tend the flowers.
Simply cut "idle", cut "when the shadow fell" simply too.
Why, while you're at it, cut "how willing I was" and add a comma after "feel".
You could do something with tremble with flowers or trend through/the flowers. Something that neither offsets nor earns cliche status.
Though cliche can be a cold hard drop for a poem that is more serious than good craft. That's a trick not wise to pull often.
Consider the radiance