Last Times

[dukealien]

(snip)

The lack of clarity in the final strophe is what makes me incapable of giving this an overall judgement. The sentiments of the first two strophes are plain enough (and it doesn't seem like the second strophe is antithetical enough to the first to count as an antistrophe), but the third is a shadow, and it seems that it's what should make this piece more than a mere sketch.

Thanks for the detailed critique.  My attention to form was minimal in this one - somewhere between blank-ish and free-ish slopping over into prose-y.  

The final strophe is definitely the target zone for improvement.  As may be surmised, it was an afterthought but needs to be thoroughly clarified and maybe rethought.  The rest also needs work, of course.

Could take a while.  Characterization of the present form as a sketch is fair!