Pond

[rayheinrich]

I am an odd duck
sitting on a stagnant pond.
Mama, get the gun.

I've been enjoying this, it gets a lot of emotion across and leads to some interesting questions, just how odd, how stagnant and why ask someone else to do the job? You could probably lose "sitting" with no damage done. Thanks for posting it, try leaving a helpful comment for someone else, it's what makes the site work.

I am not saying "sitting on" is the most exciting verb to use here, but I do think it does some useful work creating resonance with "stagnant pond"  and "get the gun" so not sure I agree we could lose it so easily!

But what else can a duck do on a pond?
When they dive, it's beneath it.
When they fly, it's above it.

I'm also for dropping "I am an odd" and "mama" and making it a 2 line haiku:

duck on a stagnant pond -
get the gun

(But the original is a good haiku.)