data

[mark1tc]

Hello the wilderhen - Data. Well done, IMO. I have puzzled over this in meaning - how and why does this simple and beautiful language tickle my brain even though I can't grasp intent? Most of all I struggled to parse the first strophe for some direction - and now that I've read busker's reply it seems to me to fall into a very good place. Aha! a topic that raises strong feelings in my neighborhood. Now the grooves in my brain find misunderstanding from the perspective of privilege and entitlement, a cluelessness compounded by extravagance. Is this true? I feel it strongly - and admire your accomplishment. I enjoy the short lines in most cases, particularly the dynamic line break in "a good wife/in subsidy" but wonder if the first four lines in the final strophe could be lengthened/arranged  in a way that might improve flow and thought. Or not. Thanks for sharing this delight.

I have a bad habit of editing while the paint is still wet:

I have married
a whole neighborhood
in subsidy. A good wife
has been married
like that before, whole
blocks given over
to the veil.

If I go the city blocks,
their moods cause me
such grief

they do not
drink of the marriage
glass they do not
eat my gift

I painted after
them a still-life
of pheasants / unworked
on the table
a gift to witness it
wooden like trees before
they came to me in marriage.
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Original, old version:


I have married
a whole neighborhood
in subsidy. A good wife
has been married
like that before, whole
blocks given over
to the veil.

If I go the city blocks,
their moods cause me
such grief 

they do
not drink of the marriage
glass they do not
eat my gift

I painted after
them a still-life
pheasants / unworked
on the table
to witness it
wooden like trees before
we built our house.