Small Memoriam - edit2

[matsunosuperfan]

Small Memoriam II


He was no pet:  a common long-tailed mouse
who got inside somehow, but in my house
that little presence made me feel unkind
for plotting his demise.  He’d watch behind
me as I typed until I saw him, too,
then flee when noticed.  Though I hatched a few
ideas how to catch him, he was smart–
he’d lick the bait from traps but always dart
away on weightless feet, uncaught and free,
declined a private room (my live-catch trap),
approved noir cinema, left tiny crap
on floors, chewed into food up on a shelf
above my head. I couldn’t help myself,
and, being human, bought technology:
glue pads eluded prey psychology.

I see him from the corner of my eye–
his ghost, it must be, mouse that had to die.
And that is best for him and me, I lie.

Yeah it's a little boring now, I agree. It got flattened. Now it feels too expository, too directly mimetic of the occasion. "Explainy." There's no room between subject and form for the aesthetic shudder to occur. My previous gripes aside, I liked the original better.