Because I once loved you there
#10
(05-29-2026, 12:34 PM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  
(05-27-2026, 10:00 AM)busker Wrote:  Apologies if I've posted this before, perhaps in a NaPM. It was sitting in my drafts for a long time awaiting rediscovery.

Because I once loved you there

Because I once loved you there
London's precious to me.
The poems written about you there 
were really letters to me.

Love is the only foolish
adventuring we do -  this is my favorite line, really good
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,  not sure how this fits in, but it's a good image
pirate clipper’s crew

are had in life, spent sourly
making bandit barons kings.
Some places keep their pearly 
moon white angels’ wings   If I were to chose I would cut angel's first, then pearly, but one needs to go.

because I loved you. Unaware,
like ghosts and ghouls, you’ll haunt me there.
Hi Busker,
I am glad that you dug this out.  Above, I have highlighted (excellent spelling bee word by the way) the parts that I felt worked the best.  I don't mean to suggest that you can just cut the rest and it will work.  Some adjustments are necessary but I just wanted to show what I thought the backbone of the poem is to me.

You've made me realize how much I want to see the whole thing torn down and start over with "Love is the only foolish adventuring we do" as the first line, then go from there. Preferably, I think, without rhyme or meter. It's such a strong declaration and deserves to be walked around on a liberal leash - or permits permitting, no leash at all.
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Messages In This Thread
Because I once loved you there - by busker - 05-27-2026, 10:00 AM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by milo - 05-27-2026, 10:02 AM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by busker - 05-27-2026, 10:04 AM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by milo - 05-27-2026, 10:05 AM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by busker - 05-27-2026, 08:06 PM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by brynmawr1 - 05-29-2026, 12:34 PM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by matsunosuperfan - 05-30-2026, 12:58 AM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by busker - 05-30-2026, 08:21 PM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by Bitnee - 09-11-2026, 06:51 AM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by ouroboros - 09-15-2026, 09:56 AM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by busker - 09-15-2026, 02:15 PM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by milo - 09-15-2026, 07:50 PM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by milo - 09-16-2026, 07:38 AM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by busker - 09-16-2026, 07:53 AM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by Bruce V - 09-16-2026, 12:12 AM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by Luckieman - 09-21-2026, 07:43 PM
RE: Because I once loved you there - by busker - 09-22-2026, 02:44 PM



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