Haiku
#5
(05-26-2026, 09:05 PM)wasellajam Wrote:  
(05-26-2026, 06:41 PM)JohnS Wrote:  spun with silver thread,
strung with pearls of morning dew -
the fly doesn't see
Beautiful image, poor fly. You might look at

pearls of dew
silver thread -
the fly doesn't see

and see if it still works
Thanks Ella, I wanted to keep the English language format of 5,7,5.

(05-26-2026, 09:50 PM)dukealien Wrote:  
(05-26-2026, 06:41 PM)JohnS Wrote:  spun with silver thread,
strung with pearls of morning dew -
the fly doesn't see
As a bit of a spider-fancier, I give this full marks.  Wondering about the em dash:  I think it's correct, there's more than just pearls the fly's compound eyes miss.
Thanks very much Duke. 
I think the em-dash is ok, according to my research.

I had alternative last lines: "the fly never sees", "the fly bejewelled" or "dead fly bejewelled".

(05-26-2026, 09:54 PM)busker Wrote:  
(05-26-2026, 06:41 PM)JohnS Wrote:  spun with silver thread,
strung with pearls of morning dew -
the fly doesn't see
Excellent, even follows the 5-7-5
Thank you Busker.
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Messages In This Thread
Haiku - by JohnS - 05-26-2026, 06:41 PM
RE: Haiku - by wasellajam - 05-26-2026, 09:05 PM
RE: Haiku - by JohnS - 05-26-2026, 10:01 PM
RE: Haiku - by dukealien - 05-26-2026, 09:50 PM
RE: Haiku - by busker - 05-26-2026, 09:54 PM



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