05-26-2026, 10:01 PM
(05-26-2026, 09:05 PM)wasellajam Wrote:Thanks Ella, I wanted to keep the English language format of 5,7,5.(05-26-2026, 06:41 PM)JohnS Wrote: spun with silver thread,Beautiful image, poor fly. You might look at
strung with pearls of morning dew -
the fly doesn't see
pearls of dew
silver thread -
the fly doesn't see
and see if it still works
(05-26-2026, 09:50 PM)dukealien Wrote:Thanks very much Duke.(05-26-2026, 06:41 PM)JohnS Wrote: spun with silver thread,As a bit of a spider-fancier, I give this full marks. Wondering about the em dash: I think it's correct, there's more than just pearls the fly's compound eyes miss.
strung with pearls of morning dew -
the fly doesn't see
I think the em-dash is ok, according to my research.
I had alternative last lines: "the fly never sees", "the fly bejewelled" or "dead fly bejewelled".
(05-26-2026, 09:54 PM)busker Wrote:Thank you Busker.(05-26-2026, 06:41 PM)JohnS Wrote: spun with silver thread,Excellent, even follows the 5-7-5
strung with pearls of morning dew -
the fly doesn't see

