v3 - Occultation

[alonso ramoran]

Occultation

Quiet after all adults and friends have left,
like colors gathered
by the sun. Now the sun leaves
everything in shades,
growing darker,
and you are still
nowhere to be seen.

What else to do but guess in the blanks
of my workbook, read,
and listen to the bugs
chirring in the late summer heat.
You should know
how new these planets are to me,
that I would have so many questions
about the math of it all,
yet from the pines the night is reaching
without your patience. I was pulled,

today, from our line
as it was forming, by our gym coach
and he yelled at me
in front of everyone,
including my teacher,
for pushing. But we were all pushing.
Mrs. Baugh pulled me aside later.
She said nice things
and hugged me. I thought
I was in more trouble. I started crying
because she was crying.
Why did I not feel sad
until another felt sad for me?

I don't expect an answer,
only that you would appear
as a parent does. The night's quiet
is already a confusion of answers,
summoned beetles tapping
on a light somewhere;
I am within what a distant observer,
a weird alien, would call a shadow.

What would you call it? This dark shape
no longer mine?

v2
Occultation

Quiet, as the sun leaves everything
in darkening shades,
and you are still
nowhere to be seen.

What else to do but fill in blanks
and listen to the bugs
chirring in the late summer heat.
You should know
how new these planets are to me,
that I would have so many questions,
and night is reaching from the pines,
without your patience.

Today I was yelled at by a man
in front of everyone,
including my teacher.
Mrs. Baugh later pulled me aside.
She said nice things
and hugged me. I thought
I was in more trouble. Her crying
made me cry. Why did I
not feel sadness, until another
felt sadness for me?

I don't expect an answer,
only that you would appear,
as a parent does. The night's quiet
is already a confusion of answers,
summoned beetles tapping
on a light somewhere,
within what a distant observer
would call a shadow.
What would you call it, this dark shape
no longer mine?


v1
Occultation

Quiet how the sun is leaving me
with shades of color
faded. Shades, too, will disappear
with all my friends
and the adults
and you are still
nowhere to be seen.

What else to do but read.
What else to do but listen to the cicadas
in late summer heat.
You should know
how new the world is to me,
that I would have so many questions
yet the shadows from the pines
are reaching
as if other matters
were more urgent to you.

My long dark shape
a smaller fear,
the shadows chant
answers, in exchange
for commitment of the body
to an unseen role,
rewarded with pleasure in lights;
chanting–

yesterday is a tail
the mouth of tomorrow is swallowing
if time is a circle, ergo,
today is for consuming
as the caterpillar of the leaf,
so the self of knowledge.

We were supposed to read
the book I was reading,
home together. I’ll look for you
one last time.