Ode To MP3 Players

[jaw_me]

Hi, welcome to the pen! I’ve been enjoying this poem, I’ve put some notes below,

Ode To MP3 Players


and cheap chinese speakers
intoning soullessly 'bluetooth device
is connected successfully'


I realized that a song always smells
like the first place your ears caught it
burning. A song always smells like
the breath of someone else
You may not need “I realized that”, if you feel you do possibly “That’s when I realized “.
Using small vs feel worked for me, made me stop and think about if music is scented for me, if I might be missing something by not having that association.
And this reads beautifully.

and it's a kind of magic
isn't it? to lift a song in
and out of your back pocket
I like “isn’t it”, it worked to bring me personally into the poem.

to slap it like a band-aid,
over an open wound, over broken glass
to taste it like fresh heartbreak
on a monday morning, like orange molasses
steeped too long in sunlight

Here I had more trouble.
You might loose the comma after band-aid.
“over broken glass” was just a distraction for me.
I can’t buy “orange molasses”, I picture dark brown and can’t figure it changing in the sun. Although it may exist I couldn’t find an image of a light hued molasses.
Which leaves:

to slap it like a band-aid
over an open wound,
to taste it like fresh heartbreak
on a monday morning.

That’s my preference.

I hope my notes are helpful, thanks for the read, I hope you enjoy the site.

Thank you so much for the feedback. yeah I really don't need the "I realized that". 

I got a bit carried away with the imagery on the last stanza haha, I'll need to rework it 
plus I don't really like the "fresh heartbreak" simile anymore so I'll probably just swap it out

thanks again