04-03-2026, 10:02 PM
The whole thing seems clunky; not necessarily bad.
Phrases seem clunky, intentionally. A plain-spoken roughness. There are ways to make that work without standing out much.
Ancient roads and unholy God are walking a similar line.
The rhyming works in similar ways. And you can play, by making people assume rhymes without them being there. You could do that by making it fast instead of faster, break instead of fall. And leaving the final rhyme as it is, part and heart.
Phrases seem clunky, intentionally. A plain-spoken roughness. There are ways to make that work without standing out much.
Ancient roads and unholy God are walking a similar line.
The rhyming works in similar ways. And you can play, by making people assume rhymes without them being there. You could do that by making it fast instead of faster, break instead of fall. And leaving the final rhyme as it is, part and heart.