Narcissus In Venusian Clothes

[wasellajam]

How long before the masquerade
dissolves before your lover’s eye,
one night, a month or twenty years?
I'm glad you kept the opening in the revision


The shell will crack and out will ooze
the suffocated residue
of who you were before the sham.
hmm? a different word for sham?


How long before she hates herself
for falling for a surface laid
upon a turd of misery
who wooed her with a sticky net
disguised as loving empathy?
The bolded part may be the strongest lines in this poem


But you won’t fret about her fall,
your weakened prey has been the point.
So why the look of pained surprise
when finally she extricates
herself, relieved to fly away?
Solid ending, from the persspective of the N.

Sometimes poems just write themselves, eh?

I've thought about sham with every read, scam? Doesn't seem worth the change. I've haven't figured out what's wrong there but good catch, it catches me too. I've only changed the last line, my last lines usually fall flat, sum up too much or not enough, (we need a shrugging smilie). Yep, wrote itself, I just had to be there, here, to catch it. Thanks for the read and comments, much appreciated.

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Narcissus In Venusian Clothes  (after Magpie)

How long before the masquerade
dissolves before your lover’s eye,
one night, a month or twenty years?
The shell will crack and out will ooze
the suffocated residue
of who you were before the sham.

How long before she hates herself
for falling for a surface laid
upon a turd of misery
who wooed her with a sticky net
disguised as loving empathy?

But you won’t fret about her fall,
your weakened prey has been the point.
So why the look of pained surprise
when finally she extricates
herself, relieved to fly away?

Narcissus In Venusian Clothes  (after Magpie)

How long before the masquerade
dissolves before your lover’s eye,
one night, a month or twenty years?
The shell will crack and out will ooze
the suffocated residue
of who you were before the sham.

How long before she hates herself
for falling for a surface laid
upon a turd of misery
who wooed her with a sticky net
disguised as loving empathy?

But you won’t fret about her fall,
your weakened prey has been the point.
So why the look of pained surprise
when finally she extricates
herself and flies away towards joy?

woah this hits a little too close to home.

“who wooed her with a sticky net, disguised as loving empathy?” encapsulates such an elaborate experience, that i’ve struggled to name, in so few words. i feel seen; no notes !

Thanks for reading and commenting!