Morning Star

[ilovewomenandbeer]

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Morning Star


Jove grows restless now
and wanders through the garden
taking peace in all that he has made

as beetles dig beneath the ground
to find his face
in every outstretched eye of every tuber

and all along the path the leaves of figs
and dragon-fruit call out his name
in whispers caught by elephant ears

but what was it that Michael said 
when asked by Jove, Tell me a tale
and Michael told a tale of Gods:

A tale of Nymphs, frolicking at play,
and Titans - mighty in their strength,
of climbing Gods and falling Gods

and how they glowed in triumph
of how they reveled in the fray
and in the end of how they failed.

Jove was captured with delight
so he declared, I will be one of those
and you will disobey and quake with fear


and Michael sheepishly agreed
to call him God but after all
the elbow cannot disobey the ear

so Jove forgave and placed him
back upon the shelf
and hid his form behind the morning star

leaving him to wander by himself.
And somehow Jove has come upon the clay -
and here is man demanding to be made.

This poem presents an interesting take of mythological and religious elements, but its use of multiple systems made it a little hard to follow at times.  Bringing together figures like Jove alongside references that are Biblical, the poem to me isn’t always clearly defined. Rather than feeling cohesive, sometimes these systems can seem to compete with each other, which I think distract from the main idea.

At the end of the day, part of this comes down to the reader. When constructing imagery and drawing from symbolic systems, it helps to consider how easily someone can move through the poem. If the Poem is unclear or too abstract, i think it can be harder to understand.

Hopefully my inexperience interpretation can help you tighten a metaphor if that’s a goal, or be of some use at all.


All love, ilovewomenandbeer.

it depends -  do you believe that I, as the writer, don't know why I chose Jove instead of Allah or El or Yahweh or do you think I should write it different so that readers who can't be bothered to consider why I made the choice can figure it out easier?

I really appreciated your take on this. It actually helped me think more about how I fuse different systems together in my own writing. I tend to lean into that blending, but your point about clarity made me realize there’s a balance between layering meaning and giving the reader something to hold onto.
At the same time, I think some of that obscurity can be part of the experience. At the end of the day, it kind of comes down to the reader—either they walk away thinking “I don’t get it,” or they feel like there’s something more beneath the surface. And I think both reactions are valid in their own way.
Either way, your poem definitely made me look at my own work a little differently, so I appreciate it.

 My bad if it came off like I was questioning your intent—that wasn’t what I meant. I’m sure your choice was deliberate. I was just speaking more on how it might come across to some readers, not your reasoning behind it.