03-26-2026, 08:18 AM
Hey, I really appreciate you taking the time to go line-by-line like this. That helped a lot more than general feedback.
I think you’re right about the compression—looking back, I was trying to stack different dances to show mismatch and instability, but I let each one sit too long instead of letting them interact more tightly. That probably made the shifts feel more jarring than intentional.
A lot of your questions about the tango/confession are fair too. I was leaning into ambiguity, but I can see where it becomes more unclear than suggestive. I’ll probably go back and replace some of those statements with more concrete detail so the reader has something to hold onto.
The note about “make dancing delicate again” is helpful—I didn’t intend that echo, so I’ll either rework or cut it.
I do like your point about the intrigue in “Then guests knew—quietly.” That’s something I might expand instead of some of the more abstract lines.
Honestly, your critique also made me step back and look at my other poems—I can see I tend to compress ideas quickly and rely on abstraction where I could be giving more grounded detail. So this was helpful beyond just this piece.
Overall this gives me a clearer direction—less explanation, more specific moments, and tighter structure. I really appreciate the depth of your feedback, thank you.
I think you’re right about the compression—looking back, I was trying to stack different dances to show mismatch and instability, but I let each one sit too long instead of letting them interact more tightly. That probably made the shifts feel more jarring than intentional.
A lot of your questions about the tango/confession are fair too. I was leaning into ambiguity, but I can see where it becomes more unclear than suggestive. I’ll probably go back and replace some of those statements with more concrete detail so the reader has something to hold onto.
The note about “make dancing delicate again” is helpful—I didn’t intend that echo, so I’ll either rework or cut it.
I do like your point about the intrigue in “Then guests knew—quietly.” That’s something I might expand instead of some of the more abstract lines.
Honestly, your critique also made me step back and look at my other poems—I can see I tend to compress ideas quickly and rely on abstraction where I could be giving more grounded detail. So this was helpful beyond just this piece.
Overall this gives me a clearer direction—less explanation, more specific moments, and tighter structure. I really appreciate the depth of your feedback, thank you.