fate of the poet

[alonso ramoran]

Josie,

I love the idea of assembling a longer poem out of haiku-shaped stanzas. I think it's also done pretty well.

prereq- i follow haiku norms loosely (seasons, nature, lots of direct imagery ect) because i enjoy the style! because of this, i do consider this a series of haikus.


fate of the poet

“i won’t shoot too far,
“icarus is not my fate”
empty promises

never seen again
eaten by the clouds and sun original phrasing
flown away from “home” I think this works better as your first "stanza"

hot sun burns my lungs this line isn't landing (no icarus ) as well as i think it could. mostly because i imagine cold air having this effect rather than heat.
reach further to grasp the star
i pop, burst open at this point in the poem i remember how icarus fell because of his wings melting. i don't recall him bursting, and it left me wishing that the poem would mention this detail in some way. that said, perhaps you could adjust this line to something like: wax melts into sea?

crumble flip and fall im unsure about the use of crumble
freely down and back to hell
they say i belong

sun was my escape
the brilliant hell trap of  i think a "from" was omitted at the beginning of this line to accommodate the haiku format. you could still get away with including it bc of the flexible pronunciation of brilliant. as it is you could confuse some readers who might think you are referring to both the sun and earth as hell.
lies and thoughtlessness

write then burn then write
tell your god to kill me quick
after what i’ve preached a fan of this stanza

scribble flimsy words
sizzle pop sink through my grasp pop is used twice. personally it can get distracting beyond one use unless there is some strong intention. sorry if this sounds very pedantic lol. i'm also not sure of what exactly is being described as sizzling in the speaker's grasp.
in this hell’s best flame 

spared are the poets
the most thoughtful damnation
burn their horrid words nice closer

Thank you for sharing!