Senescent - edit 2

[dukealien]

edit2;


Senescent


My mind’s escaping, entering
a space I only notice when
it’s gone

These last three days
three words returned too late
they’d each been inaccessible
not found by thought
or alphabet
when concepts needed names

snare: caught out, I couldn’t name
simple rabbit-catching
anchored loop of wire
when a child asked how
to trap a leprechaun

Kurds: buried name
one brave people snared
in four countries
and their aspiration
to restore a nation

Etruscans: secret name
tribes of smiling mystery
exhumed from Tuscan provenance
rising in dream-murmurs
as lost words do

How much of my mind’s
refined vocabulary
has evanesced for good
hidden or erased
soft-sunk for what of life is left
in a room so finely
padded with absence
that its walls
cannot be seen or felt?

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Renewed thanks to all the critics.  I've tried to implement many of the suggestions (although, @ilovewomenandbeer, your improving rewrite was a little more than I could handle all at once).  For approval and suggestions from @wasellajam, special thanks.  And to @milo, I hope the changes work and avoid the pitfalls you mentioned.  (Did Etruscans really look like that?  If the Etruscan smile was only an artistic convention, it was still  an expression they liked to see on their honored dead.)

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somehow the end of my comments was cut off so I re-added it.  Not that it was anything special but I am a competionist

I noticed that, but read them anyway - they had slipped under the "Previous Versions" guillotine.