Senescent - edit 2

[ilovewomenandbeer]

Senescence Blank


My mind is going, going
but I feel it only when
it’s gone.  Just in
these last three days
I rediscovered three words
lost for hours that
had been inaccessible
not found by even
alphabetic search
and prompting when their
concepts needed names–

snare: I could not express
how rabbits are caught
when my grand-nephew wished
to trap a leprechaun
only make pulling motions
with my fingers

Kurds: (just had to alphabet
again) when discussing
their place in Iran,
their aspiration
to be a nation

and Etruscans: wondered
how they related
to Sea Peoples of
a YouTube documentary
(and just had to find
them now, minutes later
yet again by way
of “Tuscany”)

How much of my mind
my vaunted vocabulary
is gone this present moment
hidden or erased
absence unremarked
senescence-walled forever?

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This is pretty raw, from a succession of unnerving experiences (of being "at a loss for words").  I expect the first suggestion will be to remove the examples.  Almost a journal entry... worth editing?

I really enjoyed this poem — it’s technically very well put together, and the emotion stays consistent all the way through, which is something I’ve been trying to experiment with in my own writing.
I also liked the opening a lot. I tried a small tweak there:
“three days
to find three words”
And I especially liked the “snare” section. I was playing around with it a bit and wrote:
“an unnerving need to decipher
how hares are caught—
when my grand-nephew wished
to wring a leprechaun”
Just small changes, maybe slightly more folklike and ironic, but your original is already probably better.
Thanks for sharing — I love this interesting poem.