Concrete Western: Ghetto Ballads

[Magpie]

Hi, you've got some good imagery here and some good alliteration. There are some places where I stumble a bit, I've left some notes below

poem i wrote today let me know what i can revise and fix.

Concrete Western: Ghetto Ballads

Concrete westerns,
cowboys slinging.

Ghetto Ballads,
Hood Dominion.  -- Yeah I'm not really getting the use of these opening lines either. I'm struggling to find a way in which 'concrete western' works. It seems too close to 'concrete jungle' which could make it a cliche.
an urban western would seem a more apt description perhaps.

Sheriff's lame,  -- for me, this would be a good place to start, a different title would help also
down lawless lane—
cowboys cut crack cocaine, -- really like the alliteration
                                  -- odd white space?? is it a line of coke?? 
 Sierra Leone stone
in Bloods’ veins.

Slingin’ that Piru poison,
enough to murder—
Perilous infants.  -- nice sonics again and wordplay. 'perilous infants' or 'infants in peril'

Slinging invasive Spanish Pirul.
California’s slow killing spur—
the sheriff and his
wishful silver cuffs.

Concrete westerns—
slung young,
as you live you die—
by the gun. -- careful of possible cliches 

The sun serenades—
these scorched cowboys’ bloody bodies. -- good imagery -- could it be 'bloodied' 

Unturned graves—
no soil, heat waves,
boiled burials in potholes rotting.

Crippled vultures came,
itching—
pocketed brother’s cane.
destructive concrete western keepers—
all pecked at what they'd ever have. -- did you mean 'never have'? -- I'm struggling to get this line to work

 Lines you might not get at first turn the streets into a modern Western. Gang members become cowboys, police are the sheriff, and the city is the frontier. The Spanish Pirul refers to a tree whose pepper-like berries resemble spurs, symbolizing violence and drugs spreading invasively through California. Overall, the poem shows how drugs, violence, and death repeat in a cycle, where everyone eventually feeds off the aftermath like vultures.

I like it, I like the imagery and the sonics. 

There are a lot of em dashes, a couple that don't work.

Thanks for the read, look forward to seeing where you go with this.