No Outlet (new edit 4)

[wasellajam]

No Outlet

In April when the trees begin to leaf
the year-round denizens emerge
to greet each other, waking up
to bask in sweatered sunlit breeze.

Then June arrives and neighbors clog
the road, no room to turn around; 
in many moves a car can just
about reverse its route to flee.

September comes, the hubbub dims
except for weekend warriors
anticipating blazing views
of mountain forests poised for sleep.

Now Winter slowing to a stop,
its tires clad in chains for grip
demands an effort unfulfilled
to slide its way to anywhere.

Hello, Wasellajam. This poem is a pleasing observation on the stages by which beauty spots get crowded in summer then grow quiet in winter. 

I think the nuts and bolts are there but that it could do with some reflection on the structure.

The title makes getting out of the viewing area central to the poem and it may link with your approach to S4. 

The framework is:
 S1: April arrives and attracts new sightseers
S2: June arrives and it gets so crowded it’s hard to get out of the congestion
S3: September comes and attendance dwindles to a few die-hards
S4: Winter arrives and we come back to the S2 idea of some form of escape.  

I think you could revise S4, and maybe the title too, to complete the thought more cohesively. In each of S1-3, you set a time and describe events at the viewpoint at that time. They progress nicely until winter comes. Now we veer from the tourists to reifying winter, giving it a wish to escape, and thwarting it with slipperiness. For me, the poem goes off-track there.

If you follow the S1-3 progression, you’ll likely have an empty scene in winter, without the current S4 elements. I’m sure you could describe this very nicely. In S3, your descriptions of the fall views are beautiful. Alternatively, you could tie a revised S4 back to the tourists in several ways, e.g. they couldn't return now even if they wanted to (with possible irony--they couldn't get out in summer and now they can't get in).

Here are a few minor comments:
In S1L2, “year-round” is inconsistent with the denizens disappearing for half the year. 
In S2L3, changing “to” to “and” at the start of the line would avoid the extended “emerge to…., waking up to…” construction.
In S1L4, it’s the denizens who are “sweatered”, not the breeze.
 In S2 L3 and L4,  “its route” and the enjambment might be bettered.

I really like S3.

All the best with this, 

John

Hi, John! Thanks for taking your time with this one. The tweaks will all be workable, the problem is I do have a metaphor in mind that doesn't seem to have made it to the poem. This is not unusual for me on the first swing, I'll figure it out. Your comments give me something to take into an edit, much appreciated.

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