03-09-2026, 01:23 PM
In advance, I apologize for not having this message formatted better. I post and write from my phone, so I appreciate your constructive criticism, especially on parts where I know I can improve. Your example of one of my lines being cliché was completely eye-opening. I know it’s my first poem, but there are parts where I can definitely use better words to describe my ideas instead of trying to fit ideas into specific lines. I also agree with you and think I should use less nouns and more adjectives, in addition to stronger nouns.
I don’t think I intentionally write this way, but maybe it’s my train of thought that helps me allude well. For example, “The reverend’s clutch was as grime as lye.” I’m not very good at rhyming, but I think grime is a word I could use instead of dirty. The reverend described as dirty is kind of ironic, so the word lye, although a cleaning product, is similar to the word lie, which can be seen as dirty. I guess grime as lye also implies that the reverend’s clutch was clean or pure, if that makes sense. Reading it again, I also thought that since lye is corrosive, it can be seen as harsh purification. But overall a play on words as if his shooting ability is “clean/good” but lie as in bad.
I don’t think I intentionally write this way, but maybe it’s my train of thought that helps me allude well. For example, “The reverend’s clutch was as grime as lye.” I’m not very good at rhyming, but I think grime is a word I could use instead of dirty. The reverend described as dirty is kind of ironic, so the word lye, although a cleaning product, is similar to the word lie, which can be seen as dirty. I guess grime as lye also implies that the reverend’s clutch was clean or pure, if that makes sense. Reading it again, I also thought that since lye is corrosive, it can be seen as harsh purification. But overall a play on words as if his shooting ability is “clean/good” but lie as in bad.