03-08-2026, 11:38 AM
(03-08-2026, 10:53 AM)milo Wrote:(03-07-2026, 04:16 AM)wasellajam Wrote: On Repeat edit 1.5 (duke)
A sea of vessels floods the sagging shelves,
arriving boxed and wrapped in dated news.
Inherited or found on treasure hunts,
each glass specifically designed
to serve up brandy, cabernet or gin,
some sized to gulp a dose of juice or milk.
Diminutive espresso cups await
their morning steam, the larger mugs and cups
exclusively for coffee, herbal tea—
filled and emptied, emptied filled.
So, I am ambivalent about dated news - on the one hand - I feel like you are bridging to lost arts - forgotten crafts - lost enjoyable activities - but on the other I am like - is this just an odd way to say old newspapers?
The 2 lines about the associated drinks felt like filler. i spent some time thinking about what the different drinks could represent or mean or point to but i didn't get it if it was there. At first I was thinking for a moment of that famous enjambment when collins wrote in a room of a thousand miles but if it was to similar affect I couldn't find it.. My favorite line so far is "filled and emptied, emptied filled" I would like it even more as "filled and emptied, emptied-filled" but that is probably just personal taste.
Quote:
Assorted vases wait above the sink
to gently brace the floppy crocuses,
ok, you know I am a sucker for all of this - this is really good word choice and sonics.
Quote:
some stout enough to bear the bending weight
of fresh-cut lilacs dripping off a branch.
AND THIS!!
Quote:
In winter when the gifts of gardens wane
their colored glass adorns the window sill
to capture early evening’s slanted sun—
filled and emptied, emptied filled.
Each acquisition needs a place to live,
reshuffling’s a necessary task
to satisfy the cravings of today—
filled and empty, emptied filled.
I say reshuffling is a - you may be saying reshuffeling's a, not sure. I don't love the ending or the beginning as much as I love the middle. I feel like you don't trust your reader as much as you could at the end so you explain it to us while the middle was excellent enough it almost doesn't matter.
Thanks fo rposting.
(all crit mild to intensive gratefully encouraged)[/quote]
Quote:I don't love the ending or the beginning as much as I love the middle. I feel like you don't trust your reader as much as you could at the end so you explain it to usYou could just copy and paste this on all my poems, you wouldn't even have to read them.

Seems like I've been needing a running start and then a way to shut up. I'll look through and see what I can fix or cut. It will probably get cut but I stand by the dated news, the wrapping is part of the fun, even better if there are ads.
As always, your ear and eye make me look at the poem with a sharper eye myself. Thanks for your time and efforts.


