On Repeat (edit 2)

[wasellajam]

To see why l.1 seems "wrong" to me, see your current l.15,

In winter when the gifts of gardens wane

If you were talking about the universal  blessing of gardens in general, you would write

In winter when the gift of gardens wanes

and not

In winter when the gift of gardens wane

because the subject of the verb "wane" is the gift, not the gardens, so it should be singular.  In l.1 "multitude" is singular (not "multitudes") and it, not "vessels" is the subject of the verb "crowds."  It looks and sounds funny because the plural "vessels" is closer to "crowds" (singular verb form) than "multitude," but "of vessels" is only a modifier.

"Multitude" also confuses the issue because it can *almost" be used as a collective, like "deer."  "A multitude stands ready to fight for their rights" sounds better than  "a multitude stands ready to fight for its rights."  A case where being right sounds wrong - so probably best avoided!  For example, "Multitudes of people stand ready to fight for their rights," which finesses the issue.

(Just felt strong deja vu - have I had this discussion before?)

ha, if you've had this specific multitude discussion before I don't recall it being with me. If you've had a similar conversation before there's a good possibility it was with me because halfway through I glaze over and decide it's easier to edit.   I'll find a clearer way to say it. And I will read again and really try to understand your answer.

In winter when the gifts of gardens wane

I was using gifts referring to the flowers. I'm leaning towards your version for its grace but would it be proper to leave it if I want to? Don't be afraid to say no.

I'm trying out the em dash which I never use, we'll see.

I hope you understand how much you help me, each line you pick on ends up better, it makes a real difference.

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Oh, is it crowd instead of crowds that's the issue? Is that a fix?

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ugh, now I hate the line, gone next edit