On Repeat (edit 2)

[wasellajam]

On Repeat

A multitude of vessels crowd the shelves,  to nitpick terribly, "multitude" is singular so it should be "crowds"
arriving boxed and wrapped in dated news.
Inherited or come across at sales,  perhaps "come-across" ?
each glass specifically designed
to serve up brandy, cabernet or gin,
some sized for daily dose of juice or milk.  weird suggestion:  "daily gills"
Diminutive espresso cups await
their morning steam, the larger mugs and cups
exclusively for coffee, herbal tea.
Filled and emptied, emptied filled.  see below about the refrain

In season, vases hold their blossoms tall:  sounds like an inversion, though it's not if "tall" is a sort of adverb to "hold"
some lightly hold the floppy crocuses,  this "hold" works better
some stout enough to bear the bending weight
of fresh-cut lilacs dripping off a branch.  nice image
In winter when the gifts of gardens wane
the colored glass adorns the window sill   "the" could be improved?
to capture early evening’s slanted sun.
Filled and emptied, emptied filled.

Each acquisition needs a place to live,  mild suggestion, "new acquaintance" for "acquisition," probably stet
reshuffling’s a necessary task
to satisfy the cravings of today.
Filled and empty, emptied filled.


(all crit mild to intensive gratefully encouraged)

A pleasant meditation (personally, I wonder why my little house contains so many chairs when there's so seldom more than one a**e to fill them).

Concerning "gills," I thought "drams" but they're much too small; at 4oz, gills are one to a teacup or two to a tumbler.  And semi-rhyme with "milk" ...

"[T]he colored glass."  *Not* a campaign in my eternal war on the word "the" - but I think this could be improved.  I get the thought - my special, collected colored (as opposed to clear) glassware.  But it's important the reader gets that (and is not misled to think it's singular - one colored glass tumbler).  A bad replacement for the line would be, "my colored glassware lines the window sill," but you see what I mean.

And the refrain.  The idea is perfect; it would be purely pedantic to fiddle with the punctuation ("Filled and empty; empty, filled")   just to enforce a particular cadence when reading.  And there may be a perfect reason for departing from IP in the rest of the blank verse here for the refrain.  The "missing" first stressed syllable could be a breath taken, or a sigh.  But I'm not convinced.  Perhaps an indent for the refrain, to suggest a pause for reflection?

Hope that's not too much for mild.  A fine concept, reflecting on all those open-mouthed containers of time, air, and only occasional drink.

Quick edit:  a radical idea, but could each of the lines prior to the refrain end in an ellipsis or em-dash, perhaps without capitalizing "filled" there?  A mechanistic way to get that pause...

Duke!! Thank you so much for taking the time with this. Never too much crit, feel free. I'm never sure where to post because I want all comments, greedy like that. And really Basic is now mild so moderate here? Who knows?

Great ideas. The one I don't understand is "multitude". I have A multitude, so singular, a multitude of vessels, I'm not hearing what's off with it.

Gill! Never heard of it as a measure and no one I daily talk to would have a clue either so no for that, plus the juice and milk glasses are different, 4oz, 8oz (you don't want to even imagine my cabinets). But I will revisit "dose".

I'll rethink "hold their blossoms tall", I'm sure there's a less questionable phrase. I'll work on 'the colored glass". No on acquaintance, too blunt, but I'll revisit the line.

The refrain: I'm glad at least the concept is working, a happy start for me. It started as a Terza Rima but I quickly shook off the rhyme and then wanted the refrain to shake off the meter. I'm not saying it works, just that I like it. I think your ideas on how to keep it are valid, going to try them out. Punctuation there, I've tried to minimize the punctuation in general, switching things around to avoid it. I will look at it though.

Thanks so much, never too nitpicky for me.