I wish

[antonia]

I enjoyed this poem.  

Succinct and song like.  Nice thought process.

Reminded me of Pink Floyd song, in a good way.

JJJ

Hi, Antonia, I can relate to your poem and it's constructed with intent, a cohesive read. I have some questions about it:
L 5: What do you mean by "behind'? In what way are they ahead of our Narrator? I'd like this line to explain more of exactly how the N is feeling.
L6-10 are very clear but do you think you may be able to express L10 in a more original way?

Also, you might think about how punctuation and dropping the first word capitalization would effect the poem, try it 
and see which you prefer.

Thanks for posting, I hope you enjoy the site.

L5: While writing, I was thinking about being behind the present place others are now, physically and metaphorically: in terms of well-being, relationships, different dimensions of life. While they are here enjoying the moment, the narrator is trying to catch up and participate, despite the internal thoughts, feelings and fears that separate her from a casual social gathering. To be behind the blurry glass created by a turbulent mind and a hurtful internal world that sets her apart from the real ongoing life. I hope it makes sense somehow, or that I managed to convey it that way, English is not my first language, to be honest...

L10: Definitely, I will try and work on that

Thank you so much.

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I enjoyed this poem.  

Succinct and song like.  Nice thought process.

Reminded me of Pink Floyd song, in a good way.

JJJ

Very nice. I was reminded of a thousand beer commercials, "having fun with beer under the sun," all the "beautiful people," (fake people hiding their OWN insecurities)
"None can reach my heart"  I have to be careful not to lock those prison-bars of the heart to tight - I don't want them to reach my heart either - until they do.
"The heavy voice that squeezes me." That struck me the most!
It can mean so many things.
The subconscious. God. The soul. Distant memory of an unloving parent even.
Great line!

Thank you

"behind the blurry glass created by a turbulent mind "
ooh, that's something you can really work with, here or in the future. 

Hello antonia-
Hope not outta line that I took the liberty to elimnate a lot of words, without changing any, and reconstructed the verses. I did this to show you the parts that struck me :


I wish I were
the way they are with beer
under the sun;

the way they see
a pretty face
and friendly eyes.

So many lucky guys.
Deep inside, the heavy voice
squeezes me.


ps- You need a new title.
Respectfully,
Mark

Thank you