Silver Lining

[wizzpower]

Just a lil short poem that i wrote to test the waters of this forum
I have written some poems already but id just like to post smth simple first

Silver lining

today is a cloudy day

the sun is obscured
the world is tinted gray
but i stay inside anyways

the stars are covered
dimming the night sky
but i was sleeping anyways

:edit: pretty new to this so messed up abit of formatting


I tired improving it. hopefully its better

Silver Lining

yesterday was a sunny day

the sky was void of clouds
sunbeams flooding the nearby fields
but i was going home anyways

today was a cloudy day

cool crisp air like a blanket
the world was tinted grey
but i was staying inside anyways

tonight is a rainy night

dripping clouds dissolve
unveiling the sparkling stars

tucked in my sheets
tossing and turning

"but i was sleeping anyways"

Now I'm getting a clear feeling of "The world goes on without me, do I matter?"
The language is lovely, "dripping clouds dissolve"

Also, it's okay to bump a thread to announce a new edit if you are looking for addition crit.

Also idk why i didnt say this earlier but although it is nice that my poem has improved, do i matter wasnt really the effect i was going for. It was rather that being unable to find joy in the world through the weather despite how beautiful or comforting it is, and the speaker is just dismissing engaging amd finding that joy quickly. I had the idea of putting the quotations on the last line already but im not sure if it was too direct. I thought the repitition was enough but apparantly not. Do you think there are other ways to make this clearer and what makes the "do i matter" stand out more than my intended outcome? Though on the other hand i like the openess of it too...