Behind the Curtain

[wasellajam]

Hi, P, you've edited already! That's what I get for not getting the crit out of my head and on to the page.
Lots to like here, some notes:

Thanks for reading - I would appreciate any and all comments! I wrote this after thinking about all the opportunities I've missed because of my fear of not being as good as others when I was younger. Though I am a lot more confident now, this poem helped me express that regret.


Behind the curtain I hear,
Laugh and cough, from clap to cheer.
“O God, what terror!" I cry.
But still I swallow my fear.
To me "swallow my fear" means getting rid of it, is that what you mean?

“Ready?” Asks the lady, with glasses too square.  
Her jumper’s all worn, but she wouldn't care.
Shake head, then turn, 
“I’ll go when it's one. I promise, I swear.”
Nice detail, setting up the "them" vs the N.

“Together.” Says the boy, with thin black hair.
His voice always breaks, but he wouldn't care.
Shake head, then turn,
“Maybe at two. I promise, I swear.”
The double "wouldn't care" works well for "no one else cares about their defects".

“Please.” Moans the woman, who stumbles in line.
She has my eyes and lips, but they're cracked by time.
One cheek stained, too sad is her smile,
“My dear, please go. In at least, a little while.”
An effective strophe emotionally, disappointing family is the worst, now thinking the people above may not be random.
"In at least, a little while" is awkward for me, maybe smoother without the comma?

At last, it’s three. I walk on, head high.
I look up, my arms fly, like stars in the sky.
But I hear a clock tick, and I wanted a roar.
The chairs are disarrayed, there's litter on the floor.
I have trouble seeing arms like stars and it feels like "in the sky" is there solely for the rhyme, where else would stars be?  L4 might be smoother without "there's".


“You promised, you swore!” "Who’s there?" I call.
But I turn around only
To a stage, and no more.

This poem pulled me right along, while not in a steady meter the rhythm is there, with some bumps. You've stayed true to your metaphor, missed chances as the nervousness that precedes making an entrance. The rhyme scheme is novel, as were the odd long lines you edited out, both caused some disruption through inconsistency that makes me wonder about whether or not that's intentional. In any case, more complex rhymes might improve the poem.

An enjoyable read that's worth working on, thanks for posting it and again, welcome!