Oil on Canvas

[alonso ramoran]

Hi Milo,

Comments below.

Oil on Canvas I feel like there is more work that the title could do to clarify or focus the poem's key idea. It doesn't convey much more than what the reader can already pick up on by line 2


There is a woman from Moldova Intriguing opening, I would keep this
in my Tuesday painting class;
her face the rough of daub and wattle
her hands float smooth like the Danube. By the time I read the second comparison that is made to characterize the Moldovan woman I was expecting something that was more specific to the country. It could very well be possible that the Danube had a more political significance to the country during the time of the Carolingian empire and I'm just sounding ignorant, which I am, because I was looking up these references as I was reading xD. The Danube only appears to touch the southern portion of Moldova.


She paints a man in oil on canvas,
an olive great coat and a cap
who rides his stallion off to battle.
Now he’s gone. Now he’s gone. Perhaps an idea for a better title lies in this stanza


Charlemagne!
Oh Charlemagne!
Come haunting through the cold church basements,
break the locks, kick down the doors.
Come knock the limpid easel over, Limpid doesn't seem a good fit for describing an easel
Charlemagne!
Oh Charlemagne!


Don’t wash away with turpentine,
don’t swirl like colors down the drain. I am reading this as if Charlemagne is still the one who is being addressed by the N, which is a bit confusing. The "why" of this bid by the N could maybe be expanded on and tied to the presence of the woman at the beginning of the poem.

Thank you for sharing!