Jaywalkers

[Mic]

Jaywalkers

I called my friend and slowly poured water
         on our evening plans until they
         fizzled out, -> without, the poem works just as well. With, it doesnt add much. I would reccomend either removing or finding more relevant imagery
freeing me to go to in-n-out alone. -> in present tense
         Walking, because my parking spot
         was too good to lose. -> taking into consideration the rest of the poem reflecting how people walk around town with how they experience life, what does choosing to walk instead of drive for fear of a parking spot mean? Cars are more efficient - could be seen as a way to 'keep ahead of the rat race', while walking would be living life as it came. Then would choosing to keep a car in its spot be something like being afraid to make life easier in minor ways for fear of ruining something reliable? I really like these two lines.

At the patio table
with my burger and coffee,

I gazed at the -> back into past tense. 
talented jaywalkers
         who might as well be raising
         their middle fingers to the cars–
                  a big I dare you–
as they took the street. -> i like the sort of aggressive tone of the word 'take', like its a battle between the jaywalkers and the cars that the jaywalkers win. Something something the tortoise and the hare

And I thought of you,
and how, in the backseat of your car, -> why backseat? were they hooking up? was there someone else there in the passenger seat? 
      I couldn't say I love you

and how this coffee,
         hidden shamefully in the bottom corner of
         the in-n-out menu,
tastes exactly like you'd expect -> this stanza feels less connected to the rest of the poem, having not much to do with walking, or not walking, or being in a car or jaywalking, so whatever it adds to the poem it doesn't add to the core idea too much.

because by the time I'd thought to ask for cream
the cashier had already moved on to order 36. -> i would prefer an example of 'missing your chance' more related to the actions happening in the rest of the poems - maybe missing an exit or turn by the time they get their GPS working again

This is a fun poem with a great tie between life and everyday actions like jaywalking. Considering the poem's title I think maybe I would prefer if more actions taking by characters in it were more directly related to jaywalking. How does the idea of jaywalking relate to the speaker's inability to say they loved the person they loved? 

I also don't exactly understand the line structure, but that's more on me than you

Excited to see where it goes!

Cheers,
Mic