02-21-2026, 10:40 PM
Hello John-
First off, there are way too many questions; you're doing a lot of telling by asking.The abstractions, below, require concrete images to support them, otherwise they are far too general:
beauty danger
hope
dreams
dreams survival
hope desperate
Show me imagery to convey the above abstractions. Then you may more effectively lead in to your last lines.
What new beast shall be born when we, at last, I have no idea, but this part is intriguing, and could be better supported.
Full of passionate intensity, follow our reckless dreams to the stars? Afraid this bolded part is cliche. You probably will need to re-work this line when you re-work the lead-in.
Lastly pose these questions to yourself, then create a scene which your readers can latch onto. Otherwise, you leave us wondering what you're getting at. There needs to be a back-story, with concrete imagery. More meat on the bones is needed here.
Respectfully,
Mark
First off, there are way too many questions; you're doing a lot of telling by asking.The abstractions, below, require concrete images to support them, otherwise they are far too general:
beauty danger
hope
dreams
dreams survival
hope desperate
Show me imagery to convey the above abstractions. Then you may more effectively lead in to your last lines.
What new beast shall be born when we, at last, I have no idea, but this part is intriguing, and could be better supported.
Full of passionate intensity, follow our reckless dreams to the stars? Afraid this bolded part is cliche. You probably will need to re-work this line when you re-work the lead-in.
Lastly pose these questions to yourself, then create a scene which your readers can latch onto. Otherwise, you leave us wondering what you're getting at. There needs to be a back-story, with concrete imagery. More meat on the bones is needed here.
Respectfully,
Mark