02-21-2026, 05:36 AM
Coming to this late, and having skimmed the other critiques... a common thread seems to be the title and confusion with Venus/Aphrodite/morning star. Could the title be, "Son of the Morning" per Isaiah and also referring to the edge of the human event horizon?
The buildup in the first three stanzas is nice, setting the stage. Using Michael gives the myth a good whack to get the reader's attention - not Hermes or Pluto (or Vulcan, who took a Lucifer-like fall). And we end up with a solo god, explained. It's all games. Appropriately, there are no female characters: it's a boys' game.
The extra white space before "and Michael sheepishly agreed" gives or portrays a little pause. There was resistance.
Capitalizing "Gods" when referring to Greek gods as well as the (here fictional or role-playing) unitary God works nicely to make that distinction, or lack thereof.
I'm at a loss for suggestions beyond the title change. The story is the story, no one myth, or myths at play. It's fun; making it clearer would reduce the power of the mixed allusions to amuse.
The buildup in the first three stanzas is nice, setting the stage. Using Michael gives the myth a good whack to get the reader's attention - not Hermes or Pluto (or Vulcan, who took a Lucifer-like fall). And we end up with a solo god, explained. It's all games. Appropriately, there are no female characters: it's a boys' game.
The extra white space before "and Michael sheepishly agreed" gives or portrays a little pause. There was resistance.
Capitalizing "Gods" when referring to Greek gods as well as the (here fictional or role-playing) unitary God works nicely to make that distinction, or lack thereof.
I'm at a loss for suggestions beyond the title change. The story is the story, no one myth, or myths at play. It's fun; making it clearer would reduce the power of the mixed allusions to amuse.
Non-practicing atheist