A train of thought
#3
(02-20-2026, 07:14 PM)wasellajam Wrote:  
(02-20-2026, 07:29 AM)Smiley Wrote:  Im sitting alone at home
Thinking of a poem
Tryin to come up with something good
I want to be understood
So I search I align and allow
For inspiration to come to me but i dont know how
Touching something sacred and reaching for the soul
That is my point that Is my goal

Not lonely thou i am alone
Cuz we are all connected we are all one
So lets get it good lets have some fun
And melt like butter in the sun
Create and share
About that which we care
Im thinking world peace
Arriving with ease
Hi, Smiley, good to see you expanding your poetry. 

The first four lines have a pleasant, consistent meter but not much meaning for me. The meter seems to get more careless is the next four lines but not completely abandoned. Now you're expressing something even if it's a bit hokey. "That is my point that Is my goal" is just empty, seems there only for rhyme's sake. Same problem with the last line, arriving at world peace with ease? Not in the world I see. Is it fun  to melt like butter in the sun? Think about what the words mean.

Im is always I'm (I am).  Although, because. Also, please give some thought to capitalization and punctuation, they should be conscious choices.

Here's a link to some Poetry Tips, keep at it!
Hello  Smile
Noted, thanks.
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Messages In This Thread
A train of thought - by Smiley - 02-20-2026, 07:29 AM
RE: A train of thought - by wasellajam - 02-20-2026, 07:14 PM
RE: A train of thought - by Smiley - 02-20-2026, 07:52 PM
RE: A train of thought - by milo - 02-21-2026, 06:02 AM
RE: A train of thought - by Smiley - 02-21-2026, 04:58 PM
RE: A train of thought - by wasellajam - 02-21-2026, 07:55 PM
RE: A train of thought - by Smiley - 02-21-2026, 08:32 PM
RE: A train of thought - by milo - 02-21-2026, 10:10 PM
RE: A train of thought - by Smiley - 02-22-2026, 02:04 AM
RE: A train of thought - by milo - 02-22-2026, 02:11 AM
RE: A train of thought - by Smiley - 02-22-2026, 02:18 AM
RE: A train of thought - by milo - 02-22-2026, 02:26 AM
RE: A train of thought - by Smiley - 02-22-2026, 02:27 AM
RE: A train of thought - by wizzpower - 02-24-2026, 11:51 PM
RE: A train of thought - by Smiley - 02-25-2026, 01:23 AM



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