This is when it hurts

[JohnS]

Hey John - I can definitely see this as the bones for a song

Her coffee cup sits lonely on the counter  maybe empty
Its lipstick kiss still smiles at me Not sure of the intended rthymn. Maybe smiling back
The kitchen clock ticks round and round without her  A bit clunky here, John
??? seems yer missing a line her
This is when it hurts  Do you repeat this line in the song version, or part of the line?

Not in the knock down drag out fight
Not in the angry scream and shout
But on a quiet Sunday morning
As the bright new day is dawning Always love the morning/dawning rhyme, even if it is a bit cliche.
This is when it hurts

Her laughter used to fill this room
Now silence takes its place
I turn around to talk to her
And find an empty space Resectfully suggest can almost see her face because a face is more tangible than space.
This is when it hurts

Hmm... as a song yer gonna need a chorus; probably built around this is when it hurts.  Presenting song lyics as a poem is fine with me, as they are close cousins. I personally find it easier to re-work as song as a poem, than to re-work a poem as a song. Anywho, just some thoughts of mine.  Good luck with it.

Hey Mark, thanks for taking the time. To be clear, this already is a song with chorus, bridge and verses, set to music and produced. The hook is obvious. I took some lines from the song to write a poem.
Thanks again for your comments, appreciated.