02-20-2026, 03:12 PM
Hi, it's quite hard to critique a poem like this when you've placed it in 'Intensive Critique' as usually a line by line is required. It's hard to grasp what you are trying to say. There are so many questions at the beginning that have no reference, they just dangle with no possible chance of an answer. When I first saw this poem a couple of days ago my initial thoughts were that it isn't good to have so many questions in a poem but upon thinking about it I came up with Blake's Tyger Tyger which relies heavily on questions to carry the poem and does it brilliantly.
Your last two lines are the best in the poem. They are poetic and they ask an important question, that of what we become when we follow 'all' of our desires. It feels like this is the question you are wanting to ask and you've asked it right at the end. If you started with those two lines and then look to answer it with the rest of the poem. However at the moment there are too many unnecessary questions that ask the reader to do all of the work.
Check out Blake's Tyger Tyger it is a good example of how questions can be utilised in a poem to good effect. Note that in his poem the initial question he asks is repeated at the end with a slight tweak, which shows a process of learning throughout the poem that has led to a different question. There's a name for that type of poem but it escapes me. However it is a useful device that I feel you could use in your poem.
Sorry if this feels a bit harsh, but this is in intensive.
Those last two lines are good though and I really think you have something to work with from there
Hope this is of some help.
Cheers for the read
Your last two lines are the best in the poem. They are poetic and they ask an important question, that of what we become when we follow 'all' of our desires. It feels like this is the question you are wanting to ask and you've asked it right at the end. If you started with those two lines and then look to answer it with the rest of the poem. However at the moment there are too many unnecessary questions that ask the reader to do all of the work.
Check out Blake's Tyger Tyger it is a good example of how questions can be utilised in a poem to good effect. Note that in his poem the initial question he asks is repeated at the end with a slight tweak, which shows a process of learning throughout the poem that has led to a different question. There's a name for that type of poem but it escapes me. However it is a useful device that I feel you could use in your poem.
Sorry if this feels a bit harsh, but this is in intensive.
Those last two lines are good though and I really think you have something to work with from there
Hope this is of some help.
Cheers for the read
wae aye man ye radgie