Leaving Footprints (title change) edit

[wasellajam]

Lol - just read through the first time and it feels 1000 times  better. I will be back with more later but just know - it is good. I enjoyed quite a bit. The metaphor really lands now

yay! All power to the Pen!

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With trunks so wide my arms can’t reach around 
their girth, they stretch their massive limbs out towards
the gleaming lake to drink reflected light;        

Very quick comment after one read of the edit.  The italicized line above (remains?) out of IP.  If this is intended, for the "stretch" effect, for example, that's fine.  But it could conform, if desired, by either cutting "out" or moving "out" to present location of "they" (removing "they") which is already implied by "their." (...girth, stretch out their massive limbs towards)

(If I'm just reading this strangely, apologies!)

Other than that, the edits - particularly the stanza rearrangement - are very successful... including a stronger emphasis on the damage done.  The title change also clarifies the theme.

Thanks for all your help with this, I couldn't have untangled it without your critique. And no, the meter. isn't off on purpose lol, I'll look at it, that was the last area I messed with, guess I didn't get it.