Nonetheless (title change) edit 0.2

[wasellajam]

Hi, I offer the following as a newcomer to poetry, with a background of prose and song lyric writing. So keep or sweep.

I get the sense of two people comfortable in each others company without the need to directly communicate. Like a couple reading in companionable silence but with modern devices in place of the books. It’s a pleasing scenario.
If I had a concern it would be with the plethora of devices in use.
The poem is less structured than I’m used to as a lyricist, but seems to read well enough.
I don’t know where the abyss comes in; I don’t sense conflict or remoteness.
I hope some of this helps.

Hi, John, so glad you posted! I was trying for both closeness and separation but it seems readers get one or the other. I can understand that from your view the devices are just piled up there. And I can see the problem with abyss, maybe they're merely grinning across the river,

This is exactly what is so valuable about this site. Yes, your comments are very useful, welcome to the Pen!