02-17-2026, 06:39 PM
Hi, I offer the following as a newcomer to poetry, with a background of prose and song lyric writing. So keep or sweep.
I get the sense of two people comfortable in each others company without the need to directly communicate. Like a couple reading in companionable silence but with modern devices in place of the books. It’s a pleasing scenario.
If I had a concern it would be with the plethora of devices in use.
The poem is less structured than I’m used to as a lyricist, but seems to read well enough.
I don’t know where the abyss comes in; I don’t sense conflict or remoteness.
I hope some of this helps.
I get the sense of two people comfortable in each others company without the need to directly communicate. Like a couple reading in companionable silence but with modern devices in place of the books. It’s a pleasing scenario.
If I had a concern it would be with the plethora of devices in use.
The poem is less structured than I’m used to as a lyricist, but seems to read well enough.
I don’t know where the abyss comes in; I don’t sense conflict or remoteness.
I hope some of this helps.