Staying Warm

[busker]

Hi. First thread on here. I've been trying to write poetry for a while, but really most of it ends up more like aphorism. I took one such attempt and tried to make it more poetic by making it longer, more metric (is that the right word for having meter?), and tried to fit in a few rhymes. I'd definitely appreciate feedback on those aspects as well as the poem's concept, theming, and respective execution thereof. Thanks in advance!


Staying Warm

Wet and cold and hungry
My sleeves and collar torn
From gripping doubt and mis'ry
I peacef'lly slip come morn

Moonlight in your smile
Your eyes a starry host
Tender warmth of your embrace
Brings dawn o'er hill to coast

The moon and stars become my friends
And whisper many things
And when to them my ear I lend
I jump and dance and sing

So in the rain I have my fun
And think of you, my sun

I like that you've attempted a sonnet and followed a rhyming scheme. It's a good way to start off.
A few observations:

1. Abbreviations like mis'ry and peacf'lly are not needed. Back in the day, words were pronounced quite differently, and often there wasn't an actual standard. So "misery" could well have been pronounced as both "mi-say-ree" and "mizree". The abbreviations were actual exclusions of entire syllables. Today, "misery" is always "miz-ur-ee" or "mizree", and both rhyme with "hungry"....to a certain extent. Coming to 'peacef'lly' - the metre is the same with or without the abbreviation

2. The poem itself is a bit difficult to follow. You're not dreaming, because you're slipping from pain and misery come morn (not 'till morn'). It's unclear then how you're dancing with the moon and stars. It reads like a dream sequence, but the way it's set up is confusing. Maybe some better word choices could help.