Lake House edit
#1
Lake House    edit (duke)

The tracks were laid a hundred years ago
to carry coal from nearby western states
and eastern tourists fleeing crowded streets.
A playground built for restless city folk:
the grand hotel that burned in 1912,
a rustic children's park with ride-on train
that wrapped around the boulders, through the grove.
At dusk young couples rowed across the lake
to anchor at a wooden stage and dance
the night away beneath a sea of stars.

They started building summer bungalows
to pass the months of stifling urban heat;
on little plots the wood-framed boxes rose
just  barely large enough to load the kids
in bunks, have breakfast and a midday meal,
their dinners roasted on a lakeside fire.
A generation later, children raised
to cherish memories of nighttime swims
with laughter bouncing on the evening breeze
now questioned why they always had to leave.
Additions here, additions there expand
each little shelter bit by bit until
each one becomes a piecework of a home.

Lake House

The tracks were laid a hundred years ago
to carry coal from nearby western states
and summer tourists coming from the east.
A playground for the restless city folk:
the grand hotel that burnt in 1912,
a child's amusement park with ride-on train
that wrapped around the boulders, through the grove.
Canoes and rowboats crossed the lake to reach
an outdoor stage and dance beneath the stars.

They started building summer bungalows,
one ticket stretched the span of urban heat;
on little plots the wood-framed boxes rose
just  barely large enough to load the kids
in bunks, have breakfast and a midday meal,
their dinners roasted on a lakeside fire.
A generation later, children raised
to cherish memories of nighttime swims.
their laughter bouncing on the evening breeze
now questioned why they ever had to leave.
Additions here, additions there expand
each little shelter bit by bit until
each one becomes a piecework of a home.


This is from the Blank Verse thread, I went to smooth the meter and ended up messing around a bit so am posting hoping for some crit that might help it.
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Messages In This Thread
Lake House edit - by wasellajam - 02-03-2026, 03:11 AM
RE: Lake House - by dukealien - 02-03-2026, 11:22 AM
RE: Lake House - by wasellajam - 02-03-2026, 06:33 PM
RE: Lake House - by dukealien - 02-03-2026, 11:24 PM
RE: Lake House - by wasellajam - 02-03-2026, 11:39 PM
RE: Lake House - by wasellajam - 02-04-2026, 07:28 AM
RE: Lake House edit (duke) - by dukealien - 02-04-2026, 08:20 AM
RE: Lake House edit (duke) - by wasellajam - 02-04-2026, 08:27 AM
RE: Lake House edit (duke) - by dukealien - 02-04-2026, 09:08 AM



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