Winter Clowder edit (bryn)

[milo]

Hello ella

I have read this several times, it is  a pleasant read.  My main complaint, if I had one, would be that the overall it is a vignette more than an anecdote if you will and I don't know if it would fit scrawled along a vine.

The title is great!  I was unfamiliar with the word but the diction is great along with the (possible) insinuation that you are also part of the clowder.  If that is the case, i feel like it could be strengthened but if not, no bother.

Winter Clowder        edit (bryn)

"Domestic cats are best brought home in pairs."

so, I think I complained about "domestic" earlier but I might be coming around.  It is just the sort of fussy thing a volunteer at the local pet shelter would say.

as if they didn't sleep the day away,
content to snooze while we're out on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet their mortgage, pay the bills
and warm their house when arctic fronts converge.

I have a minor quibble with the conditional set up by "as if".  I am guessing it is like saying "1 or 2 - doesn't really matter, they will be sleeping either way" but I wonder if the rest of the poem proves that false.  The rest is fine for me

Supposedly, most felines crave the company
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.

so hear is the narration that disproves what the cat seller says which is all fine

We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.

some might complain on the over dedication of words to scene setting but the imabics are pleasant enough that it slips right by

We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout  shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape.

So, for this much verbiage, is the payoff worth it.  I feel like you setup this narrative friction - this tension between what the cat vendor said and the reality and it just isn't ever realized in the point of the poem

Thank you for posting, a pleasure to read.

Winter Clowder

Domestic cats  are best brought home in pairs
as if they didn't sleep the day away,
content while we're at work or on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet the mortgage, pay the tax
and warm the house when arctic fronts converge.
Supposedly most felines crave the company
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.
We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.
We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout  shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape.


(light edit this morning either to smooth the bumps or make more) 

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