12-31-2025, 11:14 PM
On the contrary, I love the opening, but it feels like the imagery collapses towards the end. It needs to elaborate on the motif of "waking rain" and its relation to affecting the feelings of love and joy. Possibly adding another penultimate block by breaking the last one in two. The first two convey the atmosphere quite vividly—love as a stream unseen but not unfelt, joy hungering for the newborn sun—but the last part does feel tongue-tied, and not just linguistically.