Smiles From the Tree of the Buddha

[Roggen]

[quote="NicLeb" pid='276279' dateline='1765693235']
Inviting any and all critiques on how to improve this piece. New to critique and editing poems, but looking to learn as quick as I can. Thank you.


Smiles From the Tree of the Buddha 

something spiritual going on her. I like it.  

Upon this place do I look
Downward or from above
I cannot tell


I love this because it emphasizes a chaotic view of the speaker that I can really comprehend.

I see pretty girls moving about
Men running to entertain
And others hidden under the table


The last line makes me kind of curious what will happend next, while the first two didn't get me off the table.
 

I look around and about
Inwards or outwards
I cannot tell


seems still chaotic and confused, but why. 


I look at you
Standing there
Caressing the world with your eyes


this catches me, I'm interested in this mysterious person and what makes them special.


I'm sorry I can't write something for every stanza, because my time is currently limited.
but I really enjoyed the dreamy atmosphere and the image you provoke. But sometime the transtions beetwen the stanzas seem somewhat abprut.

thanks for sharing.

And maybe someone can explain to me how this qoute thing works.