12-25-2025, 11:25 PM
Hello
" The phrase ten decades exaggerates time—far more than a human life. This signals subjective time, not literal time: the feeling that something has gone on forever.
The same dull edge suggests a place of constant tension or risk, but drained of excitement—standing at a precipice that no longer scares you."
Ok, fair enough. As a human reader, I think I would prefer something a little more specific and concrete. Abstract concepts are fine but can be stronger or more effective if they are tied to concrete examples from the real world.
So here we have the body of the poem. It seems to refer to some specific task but one again, I feel like an outsider looking in . What could this task be? Is it another example of using the concept rather than the specific? It is tough to reconcile. Metaphorically, our narrator could be exerting effort toward a pursuit (leaning forward), enduring a pursuit (holding on), rejecting a pursuit( I resist) and then giving up (I let go).
Were I to apply this to a passion project found within the human condition, I would say I have experienced these steps in pursuits, perhaps like poetry, where I lean in at the beginning, work through the challenges, resist, perhaps my own development and then finally give up.
This unfortunately does not reconcile at all with the penultimate line of the section "Every step is routine" so, once again I am a little lost. Let's see what the brilliant mind of AI says-
This is the poem’s core. These are contradictory actions, placed side by side without explanation. The speaker cycles through opposing impulses—engagement and withdrawal, effort and surrender. The simplicity of the sentences mirrors how automatic these motions have become.
Notice the rhythm: short, blunt lines. No flourish. Almost mechanical. This suggests habit rather than choice.
Well, the AI seems to really understand this poem.
I like the idea of the evening deciding and the evening settles like dust reminds me of a very famous passage, perhaps one it was meant to allude to from Eliot:
"Let's go then, you and I
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon the table"
Unfortunately, I have difficulty reconciling this inevitability with the previous section. As a human and sometimes poetry reader, I might suggest examining the consistency of your central metaphor and considering the intent of each individual line and whether is properly and clearly points to your metaphor. Still, what is a puny human brain good for when we have the modern wonders of silicon-think:
"Evening traditionally symbolizes closure, decline, or the end of a cycle. The key word is decides: not the speaker, not fate—time itself makes the choice.
Dust is crucial here. Dust doesn’t arrive dramatically. It accumulates silently, evenly, inevitably. It covers everything without discrimination. This suggests a final emotional state of numbness or quiet suffocation, rather than despair or hope."
Oh, well, there you have it then
Thanks for posting
"Let us go then, you and I, / When the evening is spread out against the sky / Like a patient etherized upon a table".
"Let us go then, you and I, / When the evening is spread out against the sky / Like a patient etherized upon a table".
————————————————————////
One hundred times at the same edge
One hundred times more and I swear
I lean forward
I hold on
I resist
I let go
Every step is routine
The evening decides
Like dust
It’s all over
—-
This is the first poem I ever wrote, and it’s quite personal, so please be harsh. Changed it a few times, still not happy.
[/quote]
(12-23-2025, 08:47 AM)Roggen Wrote: Ten decades of occasions at the same dull edge,It is an intriguing start and on the initial read I assumed it would be explained later in the poem but it never was. Is this possibly and event or a common allusion which I am unaware of? I don't know, I wracked my brain but I couldn't come up with the answer so I checked with my friend Chattel GraepTorian and he say
" The phrase ten decades exaggerates time—far more than a human life. This signals subjective time, not literal time: the feeling that something has gone on forever.
The same dull edge suggests a place of constant tension or risk, but drained of excitement—standing at a precipice that no longer scares you."
Ok, fair enough. As a human reader, I think I would prefer something a little more specific and concrete. Abstract concepts are fine but can be stronger or more effective if they are tied to concrete examples from the real world.
Quote:One hundred times more and I swear.
I lean forward.
I hold on.
I resist.
I let go.
Every step is routine.
So here we have the body of the poem. It seems to refer to some specific task but one again, I feel like an outsider looking in . What could this task be? Is it another example of using the concept rather than the specific? It is tough to reconcile. Metaphorically, our narrator could be exerting effort toward a pursuit (leaning forward), enduring a pursuit (holding on), rejecting a pursuit( I resist) and then giving up (I let go).
Were I to apply this to a passion project found within the human condition, I would say I have experienced these steps in pursuits, perhaps like poetry, where I lean in at the beginning, work through the challenges, resist, perhaps my own development and then finally give up.
This unfortunately does not reconcile at all with the penultimate line of the section "Every step is routine" so, once again I am a little lost. Let's see what the brilliant mind of AI says-
This is the poem’s core. These are contradictory actions, placed side by side without explanation. The speaker cycles through opposing impulses—engagement and withdrawal, effort and surrender. The simplicity of the sentences mirrors how automatic these motions have become.
Notice the rhythm: short, blunt lines. No flourish. Almost mechanical. This suggests habit rather than choice.
Well, the AI seems to really understand this poem.
Quote:the evening decides —
It settles like dust,
all over.
I like the idea of the evening deciding and the evening settles like dust reminds me of a very famous passage, perhaps one it was meant to allude to from Eliot:
"Let's go then, you and I
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon the table"
Unfortunately, I have difficulty reconciling this inevitability with the previous section. As a human and sometimes poetry reader, I might suggest examining the consistency of your central metaphor and considering the intent of each individual line and whether is properly and clearly points to your metaphor. Still, what is a puny human brain good for when we have the modern wonders of silicon-think:
"Evening traditionally symbolizes closure, decline, or the end of a cycle. The key word is decides: not the speaker, not fate—time itself makes the choice.
Dust is crucial here. Dust doesn’t arrive dramatically. It accumulates silently, evenly, inevitably. It covers everything without discrimination. This suggests a final emotional state of numbness or quiet suffocation, rather than despair or hope."
Oh, well, there you have it then
Thanks for posting
"Let us go then, you and I, / When the evening is spread out against the sky / Like a patient etherized upon a table".
"Let us go then, you and I, / When the evening is spread out against the sky / Like a patient etherized upon a table".
————————————————————////
One hundred times at the same edge
One hundred times more and I swear
I lean forward
I hold on
I resist
I let go
Every step is routine
The evening decides
Like dust
It’s all over
—-
This is the first poem I ever wrote, and it’s quite personal, so please be harsh. Changed it a few times, still not happy.
[/quote]