12-25-2025, 05:54 PM
It's a good start. You've certainly got something going in the first two lines.
One of the things to watch out for is consistency of metaphor: 'like dust / it's all over' doesn't actually work, because 'dust' itself cannot be 'over'. If your point was that 'the evening is like dust. It is all over', it would make literal sense (the phrasing would need to be more elegant), but that's not what you're saying.
Placing the implied punctuation marks elsewhere, 'The evening decides it's dust' would be fine too, but not 'the evening decides LIKE dust', which doesn't make sense.
One of the things to watch out for is consistency of metaphor: 'like dust / it's all over' doesn't actually work, because 'dust' itself cannot be 'over'. If your point was that 'the evening is like dust. It is all over', it would make literal sense (the phrasing would need to be more elegant), but that's not what you're saying.
Placing the implied punctuation marks elsewhere, 'The evening decides it's dust' would be fine too, but not 'the evening decides LIKE dust', which doesn't make sense.