12-25-2025, 05:45 PM
Not a big fan of this one.
There are some striking lines, but there are too many lazy similes and metaphors, and lines that seem to say things that are actually nonsensical.
'unfiltered through orphic hieroglyphs' is right down there with the worst.
You can do better.
I mean, I like orphic hieroglyphs. It's an interesting phrase. And the poem is full of similar ones. And that's the problem, too many of them.
There are some striking lines, but there are too many lazy similes and metaphors, and lines that seem to say things that are actually nonsensical.
'unfiltered through orphic hieroglyphs' is right down there with the worst.
You can do better.
I mean, I like orphic hieroglyphs. It's an interesting phrase. And the poem is full of similar ones. And that's the problem, too many of them.