Dust (Edit)

[whisperer]

I can appreciate your message here and the short punchy lines give to the severity of it. I'm not entirely sure about the last 3 lines, though. Is it the evening that decides that its all over? or does the evening decide that it's like dust? Play with some punctuation too. It can definitely add to the emotion. Who knows, in playing with this central idea, you might expand this and there's no telling where you'll end up. I don't think we're ever truly happy with anything we ever create. Any creation is an extension of ourselves and we are always our own worst critic. the point is that you're reaching out to others to look at your creation from a different point of view and asking for feedback. That is a major milestone that takes a ton of courage. So good on you for that. Keep writing. Keep exploring different ways and devices of expressing yourself creatively. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to seeing more work from you.