Fall's Lament(edit)

[whisperer]

Still loving this! Especially the extra alliterations in the newly expanded second stanza. Still loving the imagery and wording and pace. Great third stanza. Love the feelings of envy for plants and shoots. Not entirely sold on the last line, though. It doesn't fit with the beauty of the rest piece. Your ending falls a little flat. Too much telling, maybe. This is how I would write it (if I had written it) 

I lay my head 
against your forever stone.
I promise to tend to your flowers
while holding hope for spring.

I love where this is going and what you're building this up to. Looking forward to more renditions. Thanks for sharing.