Fall's Lament(edit)

[brynmawr1]

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The central idea is there, and the last line lands, but there are too many words.
The sentences are unwieldy and can be pared back

Eg

“the grey arms of the trees reaching
to finger the false blue of the sky
still promising the heat of the sun.“

“Grey arms of trees” is original. But there are too many “thes”
I also don’t get why the trees would finger the sky. The personification seems unnecessary and confusing.

---

“ How do I believe I can regrow
when all I can do is lay grieving
buried so deep in the soil”

is prose.
So yes, defo a pome worth workshopping

Thanks Busker.
I wrote this as a one off on a whim, but I might stick with it to see where it might go.  I quite liked it.  Why barren trees finger the sky, I don't know.  You'd have to ask the trees.  I just report what I see.
Thanks again,
Bryn