12-14-2025, 01:36 PM
(12-06-2025, 06:03 PM)Mic Wrote: I’m very new to poetry and I can tell it’s not very well polished but I don’t know how to improve it, both in making it sound consistent and making the idea come across more clearlyVery vivid emotions that create a clear picture of the pain of relationship. I like the sound of it.
Who is this for, you or me?
It’s my pound of flesh I cut
But the idea of you made me; (this line is a bit unclear, made me do it, or made me as in created me? Do you need the but?)
I’ve delusioned a honeypot, (I'd agree with the earlier comment regarding this line, it does not flow as well as the rest)
You’re free to dissect me.
How romantic.
You be my wife,
I’ll talk and you’ll listen,
You’ll say nothing I’ll hear,
I’ll give nothing you want.
But you’ll deal with and take it;
My pound’s not yet portioned
And you are still hungry.
Im afraid all my worth
Is what you’ll take away.
